Ep 1: Yard Sard Cave

[Theme Music Playing]

Curtis: Hello friends! Welcome to our D&D Podcast. Really quickly before I get started there are a few things I have to catch you up on. First you should know that this is a reboot of a campaign we started earlier this year in 2017. We had about two sessions before things kind of fell apart and one day I was suddenly inspired to take up the mantle of DM and get the story rolling again with a few ne characters. Most of the last campaign will be irrelevant but there are a few things you have to know. We began our journey with Gomec, a Paladin, in Ribbonton where the brave knight had a fear inducing encounter with a skeletal dragon [pause] puppet. Here at a faire dedicated to a great Dragonborn hero, Gomec had an unpleasant encounter with Sindre the druid and his little owl friend, Freyja. A monkey stole a dragonborn artifact from the festival and the mismatched paladin and druid met an even more unlikely wizard ally, Claire the dragonborn. Claire had just woken up from a 600 year long hangover snooze but was assisted by the CDT, or Claire the Dragon Sisterhood, led by a nun named Sister Chelsea. The group spent far too long taking down a massive stone golem filled with mushrooms and disrupting the goings on of a cult whose primary goal is to destroy ribbonton for profit. With a little arcane intervention, one overworked and underappreciated cult member named Jeeve Stobbs fell for Sindre and joined the party fighting for the forces of not as terrible. Now with Yule fast approaching, we rejoin Gomec, Sindre, and Claire.

[Theme music fades]

Curtis: So now we have some Intel from Jeeve Stobbs that there is a loot cave that the cult was going to scope out it is a cave called Yard Sard cave.

Tori: [laughing]

Kyle: [laughing] Nice!

Curtis: The party is on their way to Yard Sard cave right now. So we join Sindre, Claire and Gomec. As they walk to Yard Sard. They've heard rumors of loot in the cave and so they're walking along this dirt path and in the distance they see this somewhat strange looking man. I will let Tori describe who that man is.

Tori: Okay. So you see a guy who is walking down the path and he's got a strange thing strapped to the front of him. That looks very unfamiliar probably to all of you. If any of you are familiar with music, there are parts of it that looks similar to a piano's keyboard. He isn't doing anything with it right now. He's just kind of resting his hands on it and as he approaches everyone, he is not making eye contact with any of you and he is staring beyond all of you. Sort of like how when you're walking in public like you see someone you kind of know or someone who is looking like they might try to engage you and then you just kind of like look down at your phone and like purposefully do not make eye contact with them. That's kind of what he's doing. But instead he's looking beyond everybody and he's uh, he's, yeah, he's just like kind of a tall, thin, weird looking dude with glasses and a bunch of like splotches of color on, on his pants.

Alex: And he's got an accordion strapped to his chest?

Tori: Well, yes, but you don't know what it is. You've never seen anything like it.

Curtis: Right. So accordions don't exist in this universe. And I think that the way she described Bernan is basically me. Uh, anytime I see somebody I don't know at my office. So Gomec sees the keys on this device and sort of realizes that it's most likely a musical instrument of some sort. So...

Becca: So accordions don't exist, but pianos do?

Tori: Yeah!

Curtis: Yes.

Becca: Okay. So Sindre's already a little concern because ivory, man, that's not cool. You can't be poaching animals.

Curtis: This is true. Maybe it's synthetic keys.

Becca: Well, he doesn't know that yet.

Tori: Oh my God.

Curtis: Good point.

Tori: Oh No.

Kyle: [laughing]

Becca: We're not gonna fight yet.

Tori: [timidly] Oh No.

Curtis: Sindre's going to beat up Bernan!

Tori: [more timidly] OH NO!

Becca: [laughing]

Curtis: So Gomec takes out his lute because he sees the keys on this device and he starts sort of plucking it in a somewhat of an odd style and he calls out to Bernan,

Gomec: You, you sir! What is that device you have strapped to yourself? It looks fascinating. I've never seen anything like it. Then again, I haven't seen many things, but...

Tori: Bernan takes a minute cause like this weird short night is just like rambling at him.

Curtis: Right, So perhaps I should describe Gomec. So Gomec is full body armor. He's got a massive sword strapped to his back; it's not like a great sword but it's a very long, long sword. A blue, tattered cape with a somewhat strange symbol and he sounds kind of British. A little bit. [laughing]

Kyle: [laughing]

Tori: Kind of British a little bit!

Becca: Since he's wearing a mask, he sounds like he's talking to you at a drive-thru

Tori: Yeah! [laughs]

Kyle: [laughing]

Curtis: It's a little tinny, like he's talking through a can.

Tori: So Bernan looks at Gomec and says,

Bernan: um, well I haven't really named it yet.

Gomec: Well, what, what does it do? Could you demonstrate? It appears to be some sort of musical instrument.

Bernan: Yeah, sure!

Tori: And so he unlatches the part that holds the two ends together and kind of pulls out the bellows a little bit and there's this like swell of noise, but he looks a little bit timid in that he doesn't really do anything fancy or trying to show off or anything like that at this time.

Gomec: Very, very interesting. And where did you get such a device?

Bernan: I made it fascinating.

Gomec: Fascinating. So are you, are you an artist - a musician?

Bernan: Why are you asking me so many questions? Do you need help or something?

Gomec: I'm just curious! I'm just curious. We're on our way to a rumored cave around here called Yard Sard Cave and I've heard tell of ancient scrolls which have draconic music inscribed. And I thought if you're a musician you may be interested in coming with us to the cave and perhaps assisting. Do you stand as a bard? Is that your profession?

Bernan: Uh, no, I, I got uh, I got jobs back home.

Gomec: Okay. Well, uh, you don't know what you're missing out on.

Curtis: Can anybody help me convince brandon to come with us?

Bernan: [laughing] yeah!

Curtis: I thought it would be easier than that, I thought just the, the ancient scrolls...

Tori: Yeah he's, he's a responsible boy.

Kyle: His mom told him not to talk to strangers.

Tori: Sindre you got anything?

Becca: I was about to jump in here. Again, apologies. I've been very ill for like almost a week now, so no character voice on my part today. So Sindre is going to very calmly approached this spry young man.

Tori: [laughs under her breath]

Becca: Give him the look over, look him up and down and say um.

Sindre: So where did you come across those keys on that accor-uh [interrupting herself] instrument there?

Kyle: [laughing]

Tori: [laughing, paraphrasing Sindre] "That thing that, I don't know what it's called!"

Sindre: That thing. I'm not sure what it's called, but the person in my head knows exactly what it is!

Tori: [laughing]

Becca: My good friend Freyja the snowy owl is gonna hop over next to me because she's sitting on the ground.

Tori: Okay, Bernan, as soon as he sees this owl backs up

Becca: [laughing]

Tori: Like several steps and he, his shoulders kind of rise up and he looks a little tense.

Becca: I feel like I need to explain some stuff for kyle

Kyle: Go for it!

Becca: So Sindre is a big Ole Viking boy.

Kyle: Mhm

Becca: His animal companion is Freyja who is a snowy owl and she has a five foot wingspan. She's very large. She ate a monkey, but she's otherwise pretty tame, um...

Tori & Kyle: [laughing]

Becca: So I guess that's it. In my research I came to find out that snowy owls don't really perch. They kind of walk on the ground, so...

Kyle: Oh, okay.

Curtis: I love that.

Becca: Yeah. They have big feet.

Kyle: [laughing]

Curtis: So as DM, I'm going to make the call that as Bernan backs up, he sort of stumbled back and backs right into Claire who is a...

Becca: Oh no

Curtis: ...about six foot tall blue dragonborn woman

Becca: Yeah, Claire's the tallest isn't she?

Curtis: I think that Sindres like 5'11" and Clare's 6' or something like that.

Becca: Yeah

Tori: She could play basketball.

Becca: Yeah, she's, she's got the best jumps!

Curtis: So Bernan backs up and backs right into Claire and Claire says something like...

Claire: Oh

Curtis: [laughing]

Tori: [laughing] wait, what did she say?

Kyle: yeah, can you repeat that for me?

Claire: Oh!

Curtis: [laughing]

Tori: [laughing] Ya'll!

Alex: Claire's just been kind of quietly observing, wearily watching this guy and not really saying anything, but she's skeptical

Tori: When Bernan turns around to look at Claire. He goes,

Bernan: [startled scream] OOOH!

Gomec: My friend, my friend. It's okay!

Curtis: and Gomec sort of reaches out and calms Bernan

Gomec: We're all allies here. We mean you no harm. We're simply interested in your device. And uh, frankly we could use another member of the party.

Becca: Are we are we allies though?

Gomec: Uh, I think so. Sindre.

Tori: Yeah, Bernan is scared of Sindre. And eyes him.

Becca: Hang on, hang on. I need to do a check of some sorts.

Tori: Oh No. What are you about to do?

Becca: I want to sense this man's motives.

Tori: Oh no

Becca: That's perception, isn't it?

Tori: Yeah.

Becca: Or is it insight?

Curtis: Sure.

Becca: I think it's insight.

Tori: Do Insight. Yeah. It's insight.

Becca: Oh No, it's, um...

Tori: [laughing]

Becca: ...how about 18 on that old insight?

Curtis: Okay. So I think that you can tell that Bernan is very, very timid and he's on a job really. He's, he's kind of on a mission to explore and why is Bernan walking about, Tori?

Tori: He is on a trip to get supplies for his business back home, so he's probably on the way back home, so that probably entailed taking something to someone and then in an, in returning with something that they had traded with him, some sort of supplies.

Curtis: So from an 18 then I think that Sindre is able to actually tell from the stains on his clothes that Bernan is not a bard, first of all, which he's sort of mentioned to us, but also that Bernan is kind of a normal guy. He's not an adventurer either.

Becca: Most importantly, he's not a poacher.

Curtis: He's not a poacher.

Becca: Good.

Curtis: That is not ivory

Becca: Fabulous.

Curtis: You can tell that Bernan means no harm, but also he's very weary and I think that maybe you can tell that he's out looking for something but not necessarily supplies.

Sindre: So what brings a city boy out to the far reaches on the outskirts of Yard Sard Cave?

Tori: [laughing]

Bernan: I don't know if you know this, but a little bit north of here there's a settlement and uh it's the closest print shop to the one that I run back home, so sometimes if we run short on supplies, I have to come up here and borrow stuff from them.

Becca: Ooo I have an idea. Friends. This is Becca speaking, not Sindre. Since we would never call you his friends.

Curtis & Tori: [laughing]

Becca: Remember when we raided what's his name's house and we got all those books?

Tori: Oh!

Becca: Can we show them and be like, hey, did...

Curtis: [interrupting] Yeah!

Becca: Did you print these? Are these, Are these yours? Yeah, so Sandra's going to reach into his bag and pull out his book that is written in Northern, which is viking speak, and he's going to show it to Bernan and say,

Sindre: Oh, is this one of yours?

Tori: Yeah. Bernan looks it over,

Bernan: Uh no, I-I'm not fluent in any of the languages from up north, so we don't have the movable type for printing, this sort of thing.

Becca: Mm, Too Bad. I'll put it back in my bag.

Tori: Although he did look like very intrigued by the book! While he briefly looked through it, he ran his finger over some of the lettering and felt the embossing on the paper.

Curtis: So Gomec takes notice of this and he's going to say,

Gomec: My friend, perhaps there are more books out in the cave. We've heard tell that there are no enemies, there are no goblins inside this cave. It's, it's long empty. Simply treasure. So perhaps you can back us up and we can split the treasure with you and maybe part with a few of our own books for you to take as examples for your print shop and Gomec's gonna make a persuasion check. So that's like a 23.

Tori: Yeah, I mean,

Kyle: [laughing]

Tori: I think with something that high. He probably just goes ahead and relentless.

Curtis: So fantastic. So maybe you guys strike up some conversation on the way Bernan hesitantly, very, very hesitantly accepts to come along. Maybe because there are no enemies and Gomec says it will only take an hour. It's not a very big cave they've heard and it should be a simple get in, get the stuff, get out. So the party is now walking along to Yard Sard Cave and you finally find the.

Curtis & Tori: [laughing]

Curtis: You finally find the entrance in. It appears to be very normal. There's a faded sign with what appears to be Draconic writing on it, but it's completely illegible. You can't even read what it says, but you kind of have a hunch that it said Yard Sard Cave at one point.

Alex: Can I do a perception check to try to try to read the.

Curtis: Sure.

Alex: What about are actually an arcane check?

Curtis: Nope! Do a perception check.

Alex: Alright, perception check. I got a 10.

Curtis: Okay. So it's a sign and it used to say Yard Sard Cave! [laughing]

Kyle & Tori: [laughing]

Becca: I get the feeling that it probably used to say, "yard sale", but it faded in a way that it now says Yard Sard.

Alex: I think just start lying about all my throws.

Kyle & Tori: [laughing]

Curtis: Don't do that please. We need...

Alex & Curtis: [laughing]

Curtis: That's part of D&D is you gotta, uh you know you gotta take the misses. I'll tell you that you gained all of the information about the sign...

Alex: Great!

Kyle: [laughing]

Curtis: ...that there is maybe with a 20 you would have noticed that he used to say, "yard sale", but somebody actually came along and in Draconic scratched the L into wait yards-

Tori: That Doesn't make sense.

Curtis: Scratched it into saying Yard Sard. It doesn't make sense.

Tori: Well, I'm just, I'm, I'm following everybody and not doing anything. I'm looking around a lot. I'm like-

Curtis: sketched?

Tori: -anxiously, kind of. Yeah.

Becca: To clarify. We do have Jeeve with us, right?

Curtis: Nope. He is not there.

Becca: Oh! Well that stinks. I was going to send him in first since he knows a little bit about this.

All: [laughing]

Curtis: Gomec, actually talked to Jeeve and was sort of debriefed about the cave and, you know, he doesn't think it's much of a threat, but they're really not sure because nobody's actually been there. They've seen the entrance and never really gone in. So going back, actually pats Bernan on the back with like a, you know, a pretty heavy thud [thudding, cat toy squeaking and says, follow me, my friend. I promise I will lead the way and my armor shall protect us. Let's assume that you guys follow because that's what you're here to do. So I mean, Claire, Sindre, is that okay? I'm not giving Bernan any chance with a 25.

Claire: Yeah, let's go check it out!

Tori: For the sake of safety, I am staying right in the middle of everyone. I'm not in the back and I'm not in the front.

Curtis: You're walking down this cave and it's like it's kind of cramped. It's maybe 10 feet by 10 feet. Circular tunnel. It's long and it's. It's basically just a big hallway straight. It's fairly dark, but there's some natural lighting just from the entrance of the cave still and every so often there are little torches that are lit along the way, so you do get a little bit of light. There are stalactites and stalagmites and nooks and crannies and plenty of boulders. You see a few of those screaming mushrooms that you encountered -and Kyle, so there are screaming mushrooms in this universe and-

Tori: [laughing]

Kyle: oh lovely.

Curtis: They're just big mushrooms that scream!

Kyle: Just like in real life. Right?

Tori: [laughing] Yeah!

Curtis: [laughing] Just like in real life. So you see a couple screamer mushrooms but they're dead and kind of like mushy and nasty. It's clear that they haven't really had any sustenance in quite awhile. You've been walking this gave for maybe 15 minutes and I would like, I think Sindre do a perception check.

Becca: Sure thing. Oh, it's not great. 11.

Curtis: So with an 11 you think you hear something just like a little bit of noise coming from behind you in the cave actually as though somebody is there, but not anybody that's in your party. It sounds fairly distant, but after a minute or two you kind of tell yourself that it's just the wind whistling at the very entrance of the cave and creating a little bit of noise. So as you continue to walk, you enter the end of this long hallway and it's a large, large round room with a natural dome ceiling, but you can't really see the top of it -It's pretty dark in there. You can see there's a couple of wall lights that light up, sort of the edges of the room and a little bit of the center, but you don't see very high up and as soon as you walk in here Freyja flies to the ceiling and attacks something, kiss, make a dex save

Kyle: [laughing] oh-hoh geez. that is a 15.

Curtis: Okay, that'll do it. So you managed to dodge Freyja's attack and Freyja swoops down and lands right next to Sindre and sort of gives out a little cry. She's sorta like,

Freyja: [strange owl squawk]

Curtis: I don't know how snowy owls sound. I need to do some research!

Tori: [laughing]Tor

Kyle: Very owl like

Becca: I'm going to reach down and pat her head

Sindre: There, there!

Curtis: And with a thud on the ground lands Kiss! Kyle, can you describe for us?

Kyle: Yes. Kiss is a very large red bird man.

Becca: [excitedly] Yes!

Kiss: He's an Aarakocra, which is a race of bird people.

Becca: [more excitedly] YES!

Kyle: He's about five foot tall. He's got his arms are like wings, kind of like a hybrid between arms and wings and he's got beautiful, luscious red feathers all over. Very pretty feathers and he's only wearing pants.

Curtis: Kiss has his weapon drawn because he's pretty startled that anybody else is here. And he was flying towards the ceiling trying to get out of this cave.

Kyle: [laughing]

Sindre: I'm going to go ahead and draw my scimitar too!

Curtis: So Kiss has a great axe.

Kyle: Yes.

Curtis: So I just want to point out there's a terrifying shirtless bird man that landed with a massive thud holding an ax-

Tori: Uh-huh!

Curtis: -standing in front of the party. And so Gomec also starts to draw his sword and says,

Gomec: "Who goes there?"

Alex: Claire charges at him!

Becca: Oh No!

Kyle: Claire charges? Okay.

Curtis: Roll initiative

Kyle: Oh shit! Okay!

Tori: Ugh, God. Can Bernan run away?

Becca: This is not pokemon.

Curtis: I would say roll.... Is there like a fear?

Tori: [laughing] Fear? no!

Kyle: [laughing]

Curtis: Roll survival!

Tori: I get a 19!

Curtis: I'm going to say Bernan is paralyzed with fear.

Tori: Ah! He doesn't even get to yell.

Becca: He squeals in surprise.

Curtis: He can yell. Yeah, you can talk. But he's, he's shaking and he's shaking in his boots.

Tori: [laughing] He goes,

Bernan: [screams] AAAaaaaAAAhh!

Curtis: The accordion is Kinda like [accordion noises]-

Tori: Squonk! [laughing]

Curtis: -Squonk Yup. Okay, so what did everyone roll initiative?

Kyle: I got a 22.

Tori: Okay. I have 4

Alex: I got a 17

Becca: 18

Curtis: So kiss your first.

Kyle: Okay. So I point at the owl and I say,

Kiss: You there! why have you attacked me?

Curtis & Becca: [laughing]

Kyle: That's just asking at the owl.

Becca: [distressed] I don't have speak with animals yet I can't translate for her.

Kiss: Why does it not speak?

Curtis: You can play as Freyja

Becca: So she just squawks at him, I guess.

Kiss: [laughing] Do you know how to speak? What is wrong with you?

Freyja: [Becca Squawking]

Curtis: [laughing] So actually that's maybe a good lore question is can Kiss' race understands like regular birds?

Kyle: I don't think so cause they have their own language that they know and I don't think it - it has a lot of clicks and hisses, but I think it's an actual develop language.

Curtis: Okay, Gotcha.

Becca: Kyle, how do you spell your character's name? I'm taking thorough notes on our campaign.

Kyle: K I S S.

Becca: Oh, well there you go.

Kyle & Tori: [Kissing Noises]

Becca: Smoochy

Kyle: Is Claire charging at me at this moment? Is that like what's happening.

Curtis: Yes. But she won't reach you for a little while. I think that Claire was behind Bernan and so she's running towards you, but both you and Sindre will get to make actions before Claire reaches you.

Kyle: Oh, Okay. If I see her coming at me then I am going right back at her. So I want to - I guess I'm going to attack her!

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] Okay. Go ahead

Becca: and that was the day that the party split for good.

Tori: Oh No!

Kyle: [Laughing] actually no, I'm gonna. I'm gonna throw one of my hand - I have a hand ax as well, or two hand axes. So I'm gonna throw a hand axe

Tori: Oh no!

Kyle: and I got a 12.

Alex: Armor class is 11

Becca: Oh No.

Curtis: Okay. So you get hit.

Becca: Oh No.

Tori & Kyle: [laughing]

Kyle: Great. One D6 plus 2. six points of damage. Sorry [laughing]

Tori: Oh you might've killed her!

Curtis: How much HP do you have?

Alex: So I have 6 plus constitution bonus

Curtis: So you're down to two.

Tori: Oh boy...

Kyle: [laughing]

Alex: I wasn't even gonna attack him. I was just going to tackle him but I guess that's an attack though.

Curtis: [laughing]

Kyle: Oh sorry. My character is very rash and is quick to go to violence.

Curtis: Sindre?

Becca: I think I'm going to do an insight check and see if I can figure out what's going on with this birdman.

Kyle: [laughing]

Curtis: Sure.

Becca: It is 16.

Curtis: Okay. I'm going to give you an advantage on it because you're a Druid and this is a bird.

Becca: Yeah! So should I roll animal handling?

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Becca: That was a joke. Twenty one

Curtis:Twenty one? Perfect. Okay. So you notice that this bird man who just threw his axe and it landed right in the center of Claire's chest and it's kind of sticking out of her chest right now as-

Tori: [exasperated] Ohhhh...

Becca: [Laughing]

Curtis: [continuing] -blood drips down her shirt.

Becca: Oh no!

Tori: Oh....

What color it is the blood? Is it blue too?

Tori: Yes!

Becca: That's awesome. Yeah, I'm into it.

Curtis: Blue blood. That's pretty cool. So it's not really that grotesque actually. It's kind of pretty, actually.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Becca: [Laughing] Let's all take a moment to admire claire's blood!

Alex: Claire just touches it and goes,

Claire: oh!

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] So Gomec takes a vial out of his bag and collects some of Claire's blood! No, I'm kidding!

Tori & Becca: [Laughing]

Alex: [Laughing] No, do it! Do it!

Curtis: [Laughing] No, Gomec would not do that.

Becca: Welcome to the least compassionate party ever.

Curtis: But you notice that this bird man standing in front of you, although he's kind of scary, he's scared!

Kyle: Mhmm!

Curtis: He's very scared.

Becca: Awww

Curtis: He does not want to be in this cave and he really doesn't want to be fighting right now, but he feels very threatened by these strangers who came in and started running at him.

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Becca: So I'm gonna make an assumption that none of us have ever seen an Aarakocra person before, assumably, since we're all kind of freaked out.

Curtis: I think maybe you- Sindre probably knows about them.

Becca: Oh I was going to say since he's a Druid he probably, just, is very confused and so he's going to lean down and kind of scratch the ground and say,

Sindre: "It's okay. Little guy come here!"

Curtis, Kyle, & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: So make a -make a persuasion contest or you can just kind of concede, Kiss and...

Becca: it's a 13!

Kyle: Well, I rolled a 4, so I think you've persuaded me! I walk up to uh-

Sindre: It's okay, come here!

Tori: [Laughing]

Kiss: Huh-uh. uh-okay...

Sindre: come here!

Kiss: [flustered] I j-- well you guys were kind of. I-do you- Can you tell me what the sky went?

Becca: Sindre's going to give this bird a big ole hug!

Kiss: Awww

Tori & Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] okay!

Sindre: It's okay!

Curtis: I love this. So we're out of combat now.

Becca: [Laughing]

Curtis: Claire, I'm guessing you don't want to tackle them anymore cause you have an axe sticking out of your chest?

Tori: Alright. Okay. Can Bernan do a thing?

Claire: Can somebody get this axe figured out for me? cause I'm kind of just-

Becca: [Laughing] To clarify this bird person just through an axe at our friends and now I'm hugging it out with it.

Curtis & Tori: [Laughing]

Kyle: [Laughing] Well, you knew I was a scared bird bird- I was a scaredy bird!

Tori: [Laughing] Oh no!

Sindre: It's Okay. Do you, do you need like a ration or something? Do you- Do you eat meat?

Tori: [Laughing]

Sindre: I have some jerky. You can snack on it.

Kiss: No, I am fine. Thank you-

Sindre: Okay.

Kiss: -But I, can you tell me where the sky went? This place has no sky.

Tori: [Laughing]

Sindre: That's because we're inside, little guy.

Curtis: [Laughing]

Tori: Can I do something while this is happening?

Curtis: Sure. Yes. Yes, yes.

Tori: Okay. So while this is going down, Bernan, his first instinct was to just bolt back towards the entrance, but then he kind of, like, stops himself and runs around because he realized that Claire got hurt. I want to use cure wounds on Claire.

Curtis: Thank goodness!

Tori: it says a creature you touch regains a number of hit points equal to 1D8 plus your spell casting ability modifier.

Claire: No, no, it's-it's fine. It's-It's fine.

Tori: Yeah. So, um, because he has to touch Claire instead of, like, using his instrument for casting the magic, he says some magical words which are,

Bernan: I'm a fool. Aloof am I!

Tori: and he touches her on the shoulder, I guess. So seven plus my spell casting ability modifier, which is one. So you gain eight points back. So you are boosted, it seems.

Curtis: You're at 10.

Claire: Oh, thank you. That was really nice.

Becca & Tori: [Laughing]

Kiss: I'm very sorry for throwing my axe into your chest. I was uh-

Bernan: Yeah! Wha-what was up with that? Huh?

Kiss: It was, uh, self defense. [pause] Because you hurt me!

Curtis: [Laughing]

Claire: I was just trying to neutralize the threat, which was the bird man with the axe.

Kiss: Oh, oh, you calling me a bird man?

Tori: [Laughing]

Claire: That's just what you look like!

Kiss: Okay, Well-

Sindre: where are your talons at dude?

Kis: They are on my feet!

Sindre: Why couldn't you just attack with your talons?

Kiss: Ugh, why use talons when I have a big axe?

Claire: But you're a handsome birdman, ya know?

Kiss: Oh, thank you very much, I have-I do have very beautiful feathers. Thank you.

Claire: Just don't ever throw a fucking axe at me again!

Bernan: What is going on here?!

Curtis: Okay. So Gomec -Gomec kind of walks past kiss and says,

Gomec: Whaddup, my dude?

Curtis: just kind of reaches out to fist bump him.

Tori: [Laughing] What?!

Kyle: I return the fist bump but I do it a little too hard.

Curtis: Gomec's armor kind of rattles with, you know, a nice metallic rattle and he shakes his hand like,

Gomec, Whoa now!

Curtis: And he says,

Gomec: Well the party is ever growing; the more the merrier. So I suppose we continue this way and we can loot this cave. Find some treasure.

Kiss: Are you trying to leave -oh treasure?! Did you do say treasure?

Gomec: There is treasure! Finem fine items deep in this cave, my friend. And what was your name? I'm sorry.

Kiss: Kiss the barbarian!

Gomec: Kiss the barbarian! I am Gomec the Paladin.

Becca: I'll do no such thing!

Bernan: I barely know him!

Curtis: [Laughing]

Kiss: I do not get your joke. What is happening?

Becca: Yeah, Sindre instantly pushes away from this hug I'm assuming we're still in.

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: Gomec says,

Gomec: Well, Kiss, We are going into this cave to find treasure. You're more than welcome to join us, so long as we're all on good terms and no longer in engaged in combat. Otherwise back there-

Curtis: Gomec points to the darkness with a tiny, tiny spot of light that Kiss can kind of just barely see at the end,

Gomec: -is the exit to the cave. You're more than welcome to wait and we shall exit together.

Kiss: I desire treasure, so I will follow you. If you promise to show me the way out, I will lend you my strong wing arms and my axe.

Tori: [Laughing]

Gomec: Excellent. Excellent. We shall be needing someone like you. My friend, my friend with the strange instrument. I'm sorry, I never asked your name. What is your name?

Bernan: I'm Bernan.

Gomec: Bernan. Good to meet you. My name is Gomec-

Claire: We should put you out!

Tori & Curtis: [Laughing]

Bernan: [Confused] Who me?

Claire: You-You're burning!

Bernan: What? What?!

Curtis & Becca: [Laughing]

Gomec: Nevermind, nevermind!

Bernan: Oh-gah! I-ugh!

Curtis: Nobody understands puns in this universe

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Bernan: Oh no, I understand puns. I've just- You think I haven't heard that my whole life? Yeah. Okay. Bernan. Ha Ha. Where's the water? I know!

Kiss: Hah Hah Hah! I still do not understand.

Curtis: [Laughing] Bernan is the only one who understands puns.

Tori: [Laughing] He's got those dad jokes!

Becca: Sindre is foreign!

Gomec: Bernan. Are you okay?

Bernan: [reluctantly] Yeah, I'm fine I guess.

Gomec: Let us continue.

Curtis: So Gomec walks over to the far end of this circular chamber that you're in. And there are two pathways. There's a fork in the cave. Gomec takes out a torch out of his sack and lights it up. And you can see some inscriptions up above each of the pathways they're written in Draconic. So, Claire, make an investigation check.

Becca: Sindre will not be out done in the meantime, he also uses produce flame and has a fire in his hand.

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Alex: I got a 16 so, uh, can I read that junk?

Curtis: A 16! Okay. So you can tell, scrawled very, very roughly and rudely scrawled above each path, there's a word in Draconic and the left path says "Free." And the right path says "Shit."

Alex: Wait Shit?

Curtis: Shit.

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: One says "free."" And the other says, "Shit."

Alex: Let's go down the shit one!

Curtis: You also notice there is an inscription of Draconic on the wall next to these paths. Gomec's torch sort of lights this up. And this is more finely carved. It looks more deliberate and more professional. Bernan sort of glances at it and admires the carving work on stone. It's, you know, it's pretty hard to carve stone, especially something as intricate as this on the wall carved in Draconic are the words, "One path always tells the truth. One path always lies."

Becca: hmmm

Curtis: And so Claire, you're the only one who knows this.

Alex: Oh Okay, so there, there are only two doorways, right?

Curtis: Correct. They're not doors though, they're just paths in stone.

Alex: Claire goes

Claire: One of these says, "free" and the other one says, "shit!" I read them together and right off the bat it kind of sounds like "free shit." Like maybe treasure? Like we'll find something down one of these. and the other one. There-there's a sign over here that says one of these is lying and the other one is telling the truth so if we choose one of them then we might not be doing so great but if we choose the other one we might get some treasure! I-if it's just me then I-I think we should go down the one towards shit because that's where the shit is! Like, the good shit! The treasure! At least that's how we dragons classify it!

Sindre: Your theory holds up. It seems like the other one is too good to be true.

Curtis: [Confused] The free- So the- you-you're saying the free is the liar and the shit is the- is the truth?

Becca: Yeah that's the direction I'm thinking.

Claire: The free is the lie, say -say we go down to shit and that's the truth, then we find some shit. If we go down the free and that's the lie-

Becca: [Laughing]

Claire: -then maybe we won't be freed. We'll be trapped.

Becca: Hmmm. Well, I don't have a whole lot of money.

Curtis: Gomec says,

Gomec: I like this logic, my friend.

Bernan: But if the, uhhhhh, the the [pauses] crap, is, uh, the lie-

Alex, Tori, & Kyle: [Laughing]

Kiss: Did you mean shit?

Bernan: L-Listen, I know what I -I meant when I said.

Claire: I don't know what crap means. Can you -Can you explain what that means?

Bernan: Oh my gosh.

Curtis: That's bullshit, uh, Claire knows the word crap means. It's common. Come on.

Claire: In Dragon Speak there is only Shit.

Curtis: [Laughing] Okay

Tori: Yeah, but she knows common!

Alex: [Laughing]

Curtis: Go on, Bernan

Tori: Bernan is pushing up his glasses to buy Tori more time to think.

Curtis: Gomec says,

Gomec: I like this.

Curtis: And starts walking down the shit path.

Tori & Alex: [Laughing]

Curtis: Do you follow, Claire?

Alex: Yes that's my first instinct

Becca: Sounds good.

Kyle: Kiss follows as well.

Curtis: As you're walking, just inside the mouth of this cave, you see the words scrawled in Draconic, "Carry yourself most carefully now or be prepared to die." and Gomec marches past them.

Alex: Claire goes,

Claire: Wait, Gomec! There's more words here!

Alex: And she translates.

Gomec: Uh, it seems like a fairly standard warning for caves.

Becca: Okay but if one is always lying and one is always telling the truth and we believe this is to be the truth. Or wait. Are we saying this is the lie? Yeah we're saying that this one was the lie. So, okay. Retract everything I just said.

Alex: No, we're say -we're saying this one, the shit, is the truth.

Becca: [Laughing] Then why would we go down this one?!

Alex: Well, we're defining shit as -as in free shit.

Becca: Oh, as stuff. Yeah. Okay. I got you.

Curtis: Gomec isn't really worried about this inscription. It's against scrawled pretty shittily. Just like the shit sign is.

Becca: So here's a question. Is it possible for us to backtrack and go see if there's a similar warning down the free aisle?

Alex: I think that's a good idea!

Curtis: Sure.

Becca: That way we can kind of compare notes.

Curtis: Okay. Uh, so you thoroughly, thoroughly look at this wall. You're like up against the wall, feeling it with your hands and stuff cause it's pretty dark.

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: There's nothing there. There's nothing.

Alex: And that's in the free tunnel?

Becca: Yeah the free tunnel does not have a warning.

Curtis: Gomec says,

Gomec: Alright. Alright folks, let's make up our mind. This is supposed to be a short journey. We have Intel that there is nothing dangerous in this cave.

Alex: Claire goes,

Claire: Well, I'm always prepared to die. So this one seems fine.

Curtis, Tori, & Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: Gomec says,

Gomec: Fair enough.

Curtis: Marches forward with his torch.

Tori: Mmmmm. Mmm-mm. MMM-MMMM. Bernan isn't moving

Becca: I'm doing a strength check to pick up Bernan and just throw him over my shoulder

Curtis: YES! Yes please!

Tori: No! NO!

Alex: [Laughing]

Curtis: Strength contest.

Bernan: No! NO! Don't! Don't! No! No!

Curtis: Roll! Roll. Roll.

Becca: Strength Contest. Here we go.

Tori: What do I roll?

Curtis: strength.

Tori: Oh No, y'all.

Becca: It's a 16

Tori: [Yelling] OH! I got a 4!

Kyle: [Laughing]

Becca: Going over the shoulder.

Bernan: [Screaming] NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOO!

Tori & Kyle: [Laughing]

Bernan: [Screaming] NOOOOOOOOO!

Sindre: You scream like a baby bird!

Kiss: Bird?

Tori & Curtis: [Screaming] NOOOOOOOOO!

Curtis: Freyja's kind of flying around above squawking and, and very worried about what's going on to Bernan. But-

Tori: Bernan is-

Bernan: Hey, Hey, watch -watch my instrument! You're gonna break it!

Kyle: Kiss walks up behind Sindre who's carrying Bernan, I guess. And I tried to do the same thing Sindre did to me. I just give him a hug hug, like-

Becca: [Laughing] Ahhwww

Kiss: Don't worry! It's all good!

Tori:[Laughing] But you're like hugging my butt because that's the only part that's hanging off.

Kyle: I'm giving like a hardy pat to like a PAT PAT PAT

Curtis: [Laughing]

Tori: NOOOOO!

Bernan: Ya'll, Ya'll I have a family! I can't do this!

Gomec: Well my friend, will you come with us willingly then?

Bernan: No!

Gomec: We don't have time to walk you back to the entrance of the cave. I promise that there is no danger.

Bernan: I'll -I'll go on my own!

Becca: Alright. You're on the shoulder. You're staying there.

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] We walk through the cave and Bernan's gotta calm down a little bit. Uh, maybe he's lulled by Sindre's-

Tori: -Musky scent

Curtis: Well by Kiss' pat on his button Sindre's musky musky Druid scent.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Becca: Yeah, should I use druid craft to craft some kind of aromatherapy? It's a -it's a cantrip.

Tori: It would be overkill. Any physical touch with another human is enough for Bernan to be soothed right now.

Curtis: [Laughing] Eventually you emerge and Gomec has his torch and you enter a large, large cavern, much like the last one with a dome ceiling, except this one is better lit. There are torches pretty much everywhere and you can see almost the entire room. It has rocky gray walls lined with torches, but you see this kind of strange red moss growing towards the corners of the room, kind of where the floor of the cave meets the walls and where the walls meet the ceiling up at the top of the dome and you smell something faintly of smoke you see as you walk in almost directly in front of the cave entrance are two chests. One chest is opened and there is a fire going on inside of this chest. It's just burning on the inside and everybody make a perception check.

Alex: Got a 16

Kyle: 14

Tori: 20

Becca: 20

Curtis That's enough as a group. You see that there are 10 chests, including this open burning one, scattered throughout the room in pairs. They are clearly grouped together, sort of with these stone circles placed around them and Gomec takes out of his bag some keys. Claire, make one more perception check.

Alex: I was going to make an arcane check too.

Curtis: Sure.

Alex: Got an 11 perception check and a 10 arcane check.

Curtis: Okay, I think that's enough. So with those two combined, a mix of just kind of looking around and also sensing some sort of arcane energy, you see a small, very small monkey carcass-

Becca: Oh no

Tori: Ohhhhhhh

Curtis: -charred directly across from where the first chest opened as if it was blown back by some kind of explosion.

Becca: Hey Freyja, a snack!

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: And Freyja flies over and kind of starts pecking at it, but it's too burnt.

Becca: [Laughing] Awwww

Curtis: It's brown, charred by fire.

Becca: Well darn

Alex: This sounds like something Claire could snack on

Curtis: [Laughing] Yeah, exactly! Claire Loves crispy treats. Gomec takes out of his bag, 10 keys that were given to him by Jeeve. And he says,

Gomec: Alright, alright, now one for each of you, one for each of you

Curtis: and he hands out these keys.

Becca: That's not how numbers divide.

Curtis I'm sorry, five keys. [Laughing]

Becca: That's more like it

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: There's, there's one key per pair of chests

Alex: Are these like, did the Arcana check come back with these are definitely magic or?

Curtis: The monkey's magic. The monkey was using some sort of magic.

Becca: Can I make a nature check on the Red smokey moss?

Curtis: Sure.

Becca: Uh, 14.

Curtis: So you've never seen this moss before, but it appears to be just kind of standard moss. It's a little dense and I guess it's sort of like spanish moss but more dense and you could see that eventually it could kind of form like a clump where it's more solid, more strong, more prone to resisting. Okay, so you guys have keys and there are a bunch of chests

Tori: I want to do a perception check.

Curtis: Go ahead. Bernan.

Tori: So I got an 11.

Curtis: Okay. So you walk up to the first set of tests and it doesn't take more than a 10 to realize that each chest has something inscribed on it. Bernan is keeping very far away from the fire. He's with the first set of within reach that is not on fire. And you see there is an inscription in common on each of these chests. And the first one Bernan reads Yale Sale.

Tori: Oh my God.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: And the second one reads-

Tori: [Laughing] Ohhh my God.

Curtis: -Yard Sard.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Tori: [Exhausted] Oh my God.

Alex: Wait, can we -can we pause for a second, like, What is a Yard Sard? I'm [Laughing] I'm missing something.

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: It's a misspelling of Yard Sale that people very frequently write on their yard sale signs, but that's really just the inspiration here, but it's not important.

Tori: It's like a meme on the Internet where people have miswritten Yard Sard

Curtis: and it's, like, surprisingly common.

Tori: So my -my next thought is to look at another set of chests and see if they all say Yale Sale and Yard Sard.

Curtis: Okay. Make another perception check.

Tori: Okay

Becca: Also which one was on fire? Yard Sard or Yale Sale?

Tori: Yeah, do I know that for my last check?

Curtis: I'll say, Sindre, make a perception check to tell that because you're still standing by the entrance.

Tori: I got a five.

Curtis: You kind of get spooked as you walk a little deeper into the cave and you you're not able to read the next chest, the next set of chests.

Becca: 13 on my perception

Curtis Sindre. With that you can tell you -you can't see what the open lid of the burning chest says, but you can see that the closed chest says Yard Sard on it.

Becca: Okay.

Tori: Okay. Hold on, hold on. I'm not going to do perception. I'm going to do investigation.

Curtis: Sure.

Tori: Okay, so I've got a nat 20-

Curtis: Excellent

Tori: plus 5. 27.

Curtis: So what are you investigating?

Tori: I'm investigating all of the tops of the chest that I can see.

Curtis: Bernan musters up enough bravery to kind of waltz around the room, quickly. He maybe has one of his favorite songs playing in his head and he sees that, of course, this first set says Yard Sard and Yale Sale. The second set says Yard Sard and Yale Sard.

Tori: Ohhhhhhhhh

Curtis: The third says Yard Sard and Yard Sale and the fourth says Yard Sard, Sard Yale.

Tori: And that includes the one that is burning?

Curtis: No, there's -you'd have to lift the top of the burning one to see what that says.

Becca: But the -But the one next. The one next to the one that was burning said Yard Sard.

Bernan: It seems there's a common theme between all of these in that in each set there's one that says Yard Sard [Laughing]

Becca: [Laughing]

Gomec: My friend, you -you seem to be correct and it appears here that the unopened set for this, these two crates says Yard Sard..

Bernan: I have a hunch that the Yard Sard is the one you open, but I have an idea.

Tori: Tell me what you think of this. I have mage hand as a cantrip and I'm thinking of -of getting everybody on, like, the opposite side of the room and using mage hand to unlock one of the Yard Sard chests adjacent to me.

Gomec: My friend, I think that is a marvelous idea. Your courage is truly coming out of its chest!

Bernan: Heh.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: and Gomec kind of rallies everyone to one far side of the room.

Claire: That was terrible!

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] HAH! Maybe you're all duct in the entrance of the cave.

Tori: Let's see: Spectral floating hand appears at a point you choose within range. It vanishes if it's more than 30 feet away from me. So is the chest more than 30 feet away from me?

Curtis: No. We'll say you're in range.

Tori: Okay

Becca: It's 29 and a half.

Tori: Use the hand to manipulate an object, open and unlocked door or container, so there we go. So I unlock a Yard Sard Chest.

Curtis: You opened a Yard Sard chest? Okay. So your Mage Hand fumbles with the key a little bit, but Bernan has used this spell quite a lot actually. You know, he's fairly familiar with it, so eventually it kind of grows more strong.

Tori: [Laughing] What are you suggesting? [Laughing]

Curtis & Kyle: [Laughing]

Becca: [Singing] Lazy.

Curtis: His Mage Hand places the key inside of the chest, turns it, and there's a click.

Bernan: Oh, thank God.

Curtis: and there's no explosion.

Tori: So then I use the hand to open the chest?

Curtis: Sure. You open the chest, it swings open with a big thud as it hits the back of the chest. That's it. You did it.

Kyle: Kiss immediately walks over.

Tori: Yeah. Yeah. Kiss go for it. You be the meat shield.

Kyle: Can I look what's inside there?

Curtis: Sure. So you look inside and you see a three foot long, massive, like comparable to the size of Gomec's sword. It's a three foot long curved sword with this fancy golden handle and it has some writing on it, you notice, but it's Draconic.

Kyle: I, uh, pick it up immediately.

Tori: Do you pick at it -at your reflection with your beak? [Laughing]

Kyle: [Laughing] Yeah, I kinda like give it a little package to make sure it's cool. But then I pick it up.

Curtis: So you pick it up and nothing happens. You can wield the sword.

Kiss: Look at the sword I found!

Curtis: I think Gomec says,

Gomec: Well Kiss, uh, I -I believe that we each have one key and so maybe you should surrender the sword or surrender the key to our friend Bernan here who sacrificed his key to test this little puzzle.

Kiss: Mmmmmmm. Uh, what do you think, Little man?

Gomec: Although he can't really do anything about it [Laughing]

Kyle: You're right! Because he is weak and I am strong.

Tori: [Laughing]

Kiss: But you helped me in a situation, so I'll let you make the choice. Would you like this curvy sword in my hands?

Bernan: Well, I'm kind of thinking like, what if we all, you know, open all these chests and then , uh, we just look at all of the things and then we decide from there.

Claire: I think that's an excellent idea.

Kyle: Kind of like a dirty Santa situation.

Curtis: Yeah!

Tori & Becca: [Laughing]

Bernan: What's Santa?

Kyle: Sorry, that was out of character. [Laughing]

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] You can reference pop culture in character, I don't even-

Kiss: It's like Santa Clause our, uh, patron saint of gift giving uh-

Curtis: [Laughing]

Kiss: =He has very large clause.

Bernan: Ohhhhhh

Curtis: There we go. [Laughing]

Gomec: Very large talons, you might call them!

Kis: Yes, exactly.

Sindre: Oh, I think I've met him. [Laughing]

Curtis & Kyle: [Laughing]

Sindre: I think he was my neighbor in the snowy north.

Claire: I think I might've heard of this, the wizard lizard. He comes and gives good children gifts.

Kiss: Yes, he is a very good man with a very large claws

Curtis & Tori: [Laughing]

Kiss: and he's also very dirty. That's why we call him Dirty Santa.

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] DIRTY SANTA!

Becca: [Laughing] He needs a bath!

Bernan: I don't -I don't know if I want to meet that guy.

Curtis: So, Okay. Okay. Everybody walks over to one set of crates and naturally you open up the one that says Yard Sard, and luckily there are no explosions. You beat my Yard Sard puzzle.

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: So the first chest, who wants to go first?

Alex; Uh, I'll go.

Curtis: So Claire opens up a chest and this gift left by dirty Santa Claus is perfect for her.

Kyle & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: Claire finds a bangle that is shaped like a snake that's biting its own tail, but it's a bracelet. So you get plus two to any checks that you have to make with regards to environmental damage, anything fire, if you don this bangle.

Claire: Oh my God, I love it! It'll go perfect with my earrings!

Curtis: Fantastic. Sindre opens the next crate.

Becca: click!

Curtis: Her Santa Claus, dirty Santa Claus, the giant Birdman with large talons -not to be confused with our universe's Santa Claus, of course-

Kyle: Huh, of course.

Curtis: -gift. You open your chest and there doesn't really seem to be anything in it at first, but-

Becca: Cause I've been a bad boy.

Curtis: [Laughing] It's coal

Becca: [Laughing] It's coal.

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: There's a tiny little bottle down at the bottom of your chest and it's very dusty, so you dust it off and you kind of have to look closely at the label, but you're familiar with this. It's a very, very rare, old- It's an -it's an antique- oil that is used for bird feathers.

Becca: Aw! How thoughtful of Santa.

Curtis: They allow Freyja, if you apply them to her, to fly more swiftly. So the mechanic effect of this is that you can get plus two damage to any melee attack that you make while Freyja is unoccupied as she swoops down and attacks with you.

Becca: Okay, Well, I'm good!

Curtis: Kiss, you still have your key. So you go to open a chest and there's a glow from inside of the chest. You're a little bit afraid there's gonna be an explosion, but it's not. And you fucking dropped that sword so fast because what you find in this chest-

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: -is a fucking grapefruit sized diamond.

Bernan: Holy crap!

Kyle: Whoa, Hell yeah! I pick it up and put it in the air and I say,

Kiss: This would go great in my nest!

Becca: [Laughing]

Kiss: I will attract the best mate with it!

Curtis & Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: And everybody kind of looks at this diamond for a little while. Bernan, you're out a key. Gomec's still got his key. Do you want to pick up that sword?

Tori: Bernan Feels kind of personally attacked that the sword is curved. He feels like it's saying something about him [Laughing]

Curtis: [Laughing] Uh that was not the intention, but.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: So I'm going to make the call because there's nothing else in this cave for Bernan. As your dm I can tell you that.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: Bernan walks over and tries to pick up the sword and it's like very difficult to carry. He actually can't wield it. He's not strong enough to swing that thing make an attack with it at this point. And Bernans' Not a weakling either. So this is like a big ole sword. I mean it's a heavy, heavy object.

Tori: That makes him feel worse!

Kyle: [Laughing]

Curtis: Bernan, you are are able to strap it onto your back and you think, uh, maybe I can hock it at some kind of some kind of Yard Sard going on outside of town.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Tori: At the very least I can like impress my sisters with it when I come home.

Curtis: And so now Gomec walks over to the last set of crates and he carefully places the key inside of the Yard Sard crate. And it clicks and it opens and there's a second of hissing and then an explosion. The crate explodes with red smoke. Gomec is launched across the room, hits the back wall as he falls to the ground, everybody make a perception check.

Tori: Ahhhhhhh! [Laughing]

Kiss: I think that was the wrong one.

Becca: 18

Alex: I got an 8

Kyle: 19

Tori: I got a 19

Curtis: Bernan and, uh, Sindre are good enough for the party. The two of you see going the opposite direction, from inside the crate, flies out a small object.

Becca: A snake!

Curtis: It's not a snake. Everybody's kind of astounded looking at Gomec but Bernan doesn't really care that much about Gomec so he looks behind everybody where this object landed. It bounced off of the back wall and landed on the ground sitting facing you. Bernan breaks out his accordion as he starts to sort of chuckle to himself and he plays a little ditty. And you all, not really minding Gomec, kind of turn and see that there's this strange, dark gray human skull on the ground back behind you and Gomec kind of brushes himself off, Braces himself against the back of the cave wall and says,

Gomec: I-I-I-I don't know what happened. I opened the Yard Sard chest just like all of you. It was such a simple puzzle.

Tori: So Bernan was struck by the absurdity of it and like sang a song about it. But as he's looking at it, he gets more and more creeped out and kind of shuffles away from it.

Curtis: [Laughing]

Becca: Did it take any damage from his explosion in the face?

Curtis: Uh, He's fine.

Becca: Okay. I won't cure him then.

Curtis: Don't waste a spell.

Becca: I'm going to investigate the skull

Curtis: Okay.

Becca: and it's a 19.

Curtis: So you walk over and you pick it up and there's nothing really that out of the ordinary except that it's a dark gray color. Nothing inscribed on it. It's kind of cracked up. It looks pretty old. It doesn't start talking or laughing or anything like that.

Kyle: [Laughing]

Tori: So can I clarify, did it fly out of the chest? Where did it come from?

Curtis: Yes, both you and Sindre saw something fly out of the chest, but it really only caught your attention as far as,like, paying attention to it.

Bernan: Did we unleash some kind of demon or something?

Curtis: Sindre's Investigation check was enough to sense that you're not really in danger of this skull.

Becca: Great! So where's the door?

Alex: Wait, can we pick it up?

Tori: Sindre picked it up.

Becca: Yeah, I got it picked up right now.

Sindre: You wanna play catch?

Alex: Yeah

Claire: Hey, toss it here!

Becca: Sweet! I'll throw it. I'll chuck it. Alright, Claire's got it now.

Alex: Wait, do I need to make an athletics check or something?

Curtis: [Laughing] No, I'll let you play catch. That's cool. Claire, you have the skull now.

Alex: and Claire throws it back.

Claire: Yeah!

Becca: Sweet!

Curtis: As you start to head for the exit, the ground shakes and the cave around you shakes, and in an instant a wall, kind of close to where Gomec's chest was, starts to sort of crack and, and rocks fall. And you see inside, there's a pocket of air. Just, you know, a little pocket in the cave. Like if you're playing minecraft and you -and you kind of tunnel through a wall and you find a little weird pocket, nothing in there. Everybody make a perception check.

Becca: I'm going to punch even the arm when we get back. AW, it's a one.

Curtis & Kyle: [Laughing]

Tori: Oh No!

Curtis: A critical fail!

Tori: I got an 11.

Alex: 10

Kyle: 12

Curtis: Sindre doesn't see anything.

Becca: I'm too overcome with frustration at Jeeve!

Curtis: And you're catching a human skull at the same time. And for a split second as that skull flies at you, you're kind of stuck with your own, like, that you got a skull in your head.

Becca: Oh!

Curtis: For a split second. You're not really like astounded by this, but you're kind of like, Whoa, that could be my skull.

Becca: Huh

Curtis: So the rest of you notice that there is a grapefruit sized, pale red, glowing gemstone in the pocket that the cave out created.

[Theme music begins]

Curtis: And as you catch a glimpse of this gemstone, you're baffled, as kind of a weird realization dawns on you. This cave is -is natural. It's unknown, it likely hasn't been touched in quite a while, other than some kind of strange Dragonborn who is writing stuff on the walls. And yet somehow, whether by random chance or fate or divine choice or some kind of malevolent secret, a Pale red glowing stone was placed in the pocket, maybe aeons ago, and maybe this very hour. And as you gaze at this stone, you all ponder what brought this strange rag-tag group together and you're not even really together because as Sindre said, you're not really friends. I mean why? Why here? Why did you come here? And by what means did you wind up in this cave?

Alex: Is that monkey skull hanging out?

Tori: [Laughing]

Curtis: The monkey's there! Coincidentally, perfectly, the treasure was aligned. It was aligned for each of you. It's kind of strange and you ponder why Gomec's chest was rigged and you glance down at it in the split second that this is happening and you see that he indeed did open the Yard Sard chest. And the odds of opening it, creating an explosion that unearthed this gem that sits before you, a gem inside of a pocket found by all of you inside of a pocket. And you all stand in this cave watching paralyzed as a boulder drops from the ceiling of the pocket, collapsing on the rock, crushing it, and shattering this gem. And from the space that that gem occupied in the pocket a pale red, circular rift emanates and one by one you're swallowed.

Becca: Sweet.

Tori: You did not.

Kyle: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Alex: So the monkey though?

Curtis: The monkey is swallowed too!

Tori: [Yelling] YOU DID NOT!

Curtis: Monkey is swallowed too.

Becca: Aw

Kyle: Oh no!

Tori: [Yelling] OH MY GOD, YOU DID NOT! WHERE ARE WE GOING?

Curtis & Kyle: [Laughing]

Becca: We're going to the dinosaur world like in Mario Brothers movie! We're floating through the rift between dimensions!

Curtis, Kyle, & Tori: [Laughing]

[Theme music continues to play, eventually fading to silence]